My mindset before our first session: I'm 36, single mum of my amazing 11 yo. girl, stuck in a small town sharing apartment with toxic authoritarian mother. I've been emotionally abused by her since the day I was born, I don't know any different. That's the way it's always been and it's not going to change in any way. I don't see any possibility to escape, to make a change. I can't even imagine moving out since I'm not able to ever be financially independent, to be a normal adult. I feel ashamed and trapped. I'm so worried I'm going to waste this opportunity and Vera's time. She's going to help me with a moving plan.. can i ever even relate…
I was struggling with cptsd, anxiety, depression, learned helplessness, low self-esteem, feeling of unworthiness, trauma breaking into any new relationship completely ruining them, toxic shame, fear of stepping out of usual daily routines, fear of expressing myself, fear of showing the real me, fear of being seen..
Eventhough I still experience fear and shame, they don't have that overwhelming power over me cause now i have tools that help me be more clear and process old beliefs, untrue thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. I now know how to use triggers for healing. I've learned that new experiences create new patterns which eventually will replace the old ones. I try new things, i started learning another language and met some new people. And this is a great chance for me to start fresh. I feel hopeful! I have a feeling that everyday it gets better and better, allowing dark moments to come as well. Now I know its a necessary part of healing.
Moving out isn't a vague far away idea anymore. I feel determined, I search for suitable places to rent every day. I will jump at the opportunity. And I'm also working on my finances taking actual steps which scared me before. I feel challenged and it moves me forward. Vera shared useful exercises to work through guilt and fear. I found making 'to-do before moving' list really helpful as it keeps me focused on what needs to be done rather than on what to worry about. I celebrate my every baby step and I'm proud of myself. I'm full of hope again!
I've never experienced this priceless kind of connection before. I've never felt so safe and so right, and so with the right person, accepted and truly supported.
And I highly appreciate how well-prepared and focused you were each time spotting and targeting the real issues, the root cause, and keeping our conversations relaxed and natural at the same time. I really felt like I met the long-lost friend..)
I would tell you to definitely go for it. First thing you need is clarity, and it's nearly impossible to reach it without the helping hand from outside since trauma generates such amount of self-doubt and toxic shame that may keep you in abusive relationship for life. And its very important to have someone who had lived through this and escaped, who knows exactly how you feel and understands every move of your thoughts. The level of support and acceptance you get from Vera is incredible and by itself is healing.
I felt listened, i felt seen, i felt accepted no matter how ridiculous my worries sounded, i felt supported deeply, i experienced what it's like to find someone you trust. I was so happy! I didn't notice time))) I am forever grateful, Vera, for this precious opportunity you gave me, for your beautiful energy and healing presence!
Hugs, hugs, hugs, Irina ❤️